Are you An Option for Love?
People like having options. It gives us a sense of control and our prehistoric survival instincts are happy with that feeling. That is why we often try to create situations where we have options.
But this feeling changes when it is you that becomes the option. I’m talking about being the option when it comes to love. Being an option is the worst feeling in the world.
You are not a ‘no’ but also not a ‘yes’. You are a maybe, a what-if. Good enough to consider but not good enough to be the choice. Whatever the situation is where love is involved, being an option does something with you.
Most people respond to being an option with fighting it. You want to prove to the other person you are worth their time, effort and/or love. It starts often with texting first, putting in more effort than you probably should, and more words of affirmation.
Every day you give a little more of yourself. Your boundaries fade slowly and in the end, you break your own heart by making someone else more important than you are to them.
But if you give more of yourself every day, what is it that you end up with? Right, exhaustion, lack of confidence and self-doubt. It can even come to a point where you even lose track of who you are as a person. And to be honest, that is not an attractive option anyways.
There should be only one way to deal with being an option: make yourself not an option anymore. Make that choice yourself, and chose you.
Is the ex getting attention? You are an option. Is he not sure if he wants to be in a relationship with you? You are an option. Are you a secret for her friends? You are an option.
It is hard because it is admitting to yourself that the person you are interested in (even if it is just a temporary thing) is just ‘not that into you’. If he wants it, you will know. If he doesn’t, you feel it.
Nobody deserves to be an option when it comes to love. Even when walking away might hurt, making yourself the choice is what helps you through it.
So, if the other person cannot make a decision, make it for them. Choose you. You are better than being an option and there will be someone who sees you as the one and only decision and never a maybe or what-if.
